Uhg I dont,even know what,to type

I had no one to text…………………

today i was just thinking about everything that has been going on in my life lately, and the decisions ive made and the people ive cut out of my life, and it made me see that at some point i was in this delusional world that my best friend loved me just as deeply as i loved her ad wonuld never let anyting come between us, till she let a boy come between us, i honestly dont even know what to say.  you know what i dont even wanna talk about it anymore

im sorry

i honestly dont mean to be crazy and bipolar and shit, i know i got a fucked up personality but its me, take it or fucking leave it and please shut the mutherfucking door on your way out thanks ;)

To those of you who have pushed me, thank you- without you I wouldn’t have fallen. 
To those of you who laughed at me, thank you- without you I wouldn’t have cried. 
To those of you who just couldn’t love me, thank you- without you I wouldn’t have known real love. 
To those of you who hurt my feelings, thank you- without you I wouldn’t have felt them. 
To those of you who left me lonely, thank you- without you I wouldn’t have discovered myself, 
but it is to those of you who thought I couldn’t do it— it is to you I thank the most because, without you I wouldn’t have tried.

“I put on a smile and say I’m fine and try to hide the sadness I feel inside. But when I’m alone the tears start to flow and I can no longer hold them inside.…right now all I need is someone to tell me that everything will be okay.”

You know those moments when you want to cry and hug someone, but can’t do either because you don’t want to let yourself break down? the moment when you’re feeling so alone? and everything is hurting you? that you feel so helpless? the only thoughts that are in your head are negative and it makes you feel totally alone, like you don’t mean anything to anyone. all you want to do is tell someone how you feel, but you don’t want their pity, and even if you could tell someone, nothing would come out right. you don’t want to laugh or smile, or whine, or argue, or even be stubborn or difficult, you just want to go to bed and cry and hope this feeling passes, and sometimes it does, but it always seems to come back. you feel like you will probably search your whole life for that one person that you can totally trust that you can love forever, who will never ever hurt you, but you know somewhere deep down that you’ll probably never find him. he probably doesn’t even exist, so you just give up, you want so desperately to be alone, but at the same time you fear it so much…

sometimes i read some of my posts and just start cracking up, i didnt knoow i had so much anger in me, i never know i have so much anger in me till i start writing then everything just starts flowing out non stop and im even shocked by the things i say, because when i write it pours straight from my mind, no editing no thinking no considering other people just straight raw thoughts

country music gets it right!!!

i’ve hung on for a long time, you should realize just how much love i have for you.